I sat in kitchen and wept. Hot tears coursed down my cheeks, splat, splat, splat as they hit the deep brown wood of the tabletop. I was wasted, exhausted, used up and feeling deeply unappreciated.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Hadn’t I worked hard? Hadn’t I thrown myself into ensuring success for everyone concerned? Wasn’t I going “above and beyond” the call of duty? Hadn’t I stepped up when no one else wanted to? Hadn’t anyone noticed??
Poor, poor pitiful me. I decided to quit. Stop trying so hard to do the right thing. Stop showing up. Stop feeling like I needed to be the hero. Let someone else do it, I reasoned with myself. Walk away. Let this be a lesson to you. It’s just not worth it.
I seemed to have bought in to our cultural standard that declares unless someone notices the job you did, the hours you put in, the sacrifice you made, you will never get ahead. Unless your name is in lights and people are moving out of your way to let you pass, you haven’t “made it”. Me. Me. Me.
But what does faith say? It says…shhh. Do your work quietly and without being broadcast. Be still so that you can hear God say…hey, I see what you did! I love that you made someone else’s life-journey easier. I will make sure that what you’ve done has far-reaching impact so that more people hear the message of how much I love them!
Our ego’s are often thinly disguised by acts of charity…how can you tell? If you get upset when no one noticed what you did and how hard you worked. So what is a true act of charity?
True charity is this, that we love our neighbors and love God with heart, soul, strength and mind. That we see a need and fill it without judgement, without pride, without hoopla, without calculating personal benefit. That we actually don’t think about ourselves at all, but are so moved by compassion for another’s situation that it drives us, compels us to action.
So, yah. I quit. I’m done with seeking praise and acknowledgement from people. I want God’s approval and that means I need to do things radically different than this culture is telling me it has to be done. No social-media campaign to advertise what I’ve accomplished. Instead, a life that shouts out my love for God in the quietest of ways, in the softest of voices, in stillness of peace.
I’d like to discover what a quiet life is. Care to join me?